Marriage. Gee.
Filed under personal
My housemate, Janice, who is marrying next month, is having her and her fiance’s parents over for the traditional pamanhikan. Thus I was banished to the confines of my room lest I disrupt the business meeting downstairs.
I don’t know what has come upon this house, but three other housemates are getting married this year. Our evening bonding times, during which we used to joke around, are now devoted to drones about marriage and child-rearing, and I am left out.
The only ones who are not into the marriage thing are us three youngest housemates, ages 21, 22, and 23. Whenever the others start talking about marriage, we’d roll our eyes and start looking around for dinner plates to wash.
I can’t imagine myself marrying anytime soon, and I don’t like it when someone asks me when I am marrying. (Can’t they see that I’m too young?)
No, I don’t have traumas or anything like that. I grew up with my family intact, and although my parents used to argue like most couples do, they never got to the point of wanting to separate from the other.
It’s just that I think young people should be allowed to bloom on their own before they get hitched. I, for one, haven’t had the fill yet of my freedom. I like having my time and energy for myself. I want to go to places whenever I want to go, and I want to come back whenever I want to. I want to do as I please.
But I do understand that people are different. I also know that a person’s perpective changes when in love. When I first fell in love at 17, I heard myself saying that I wanted to marry the man. I am embarrassed when I remember that time of my life.
It takes a great deal of maturity to get married and stay married. I feel that I should be at the peak of the maturity scale when I go into that kind of commitment, and right now, that is too far off. My housemate Cathleen and I even wrestle like kids when we have nothing better to do.
It’s a common observation that the age of marriage is going up through time. Our ancestors back in the days married early, by our standards. I have an aunt who married at 14. My other aunts and uncles married in their teens. My mother married when she was 25.
And yet there weren’t a lot of separations back then (I think). Does this really mean that the people then matured sooner than us today? That couldn’t be the only reason, could it?
Comments
i think more “individualized” lang ang thinking ngayon. back then kasi (and i’m sure alam mo na ito), marriage is a way to ensure that that society will continue. then it became about family. it was to ensure that that family lineage will continue.
ngayon, yun nga. mas inwards na ang tingin ng tao sa marriage. they marry because they love and they want to commit. not because their families or the society want them too.
(hala! nag-lecture! haha.)
*want them to
(sorry. na-bobo sa spelling. haha.)
oo nga. you sound like a sociology prof. haha. okay lang uy. that’s a good theory. napaka-practical nga nila noon. pero i’m wondering kung may love ba din sila for each other? kasi parang ang hirap mag-ano for practical reasons lang.
I’m 34, and not married yet. Although i am passively (but mentally anxious, hehe) looking for the right woman for me.
owner of http://www.blogtory.com
34 is not too old. you’ll never know when the right woman comes.
thanks for the visit!
Our elders married at a young age and most of them remain together despite valid reasons to get separated not because they’re more mature than us but because they’re afraid of what other people may think of them. Today, people are more open-minded and liberated.
i am more inclined to buy your theory. i just can’t pinpoint any social event that would have made our ancestors mature faster than the people of today do.
“pero i’m wondering kung may love ba din sila for each other? kasi parang ang hirap mag-ano for practical reasons lang.” - stoxbnx3
of course, nahihirapan kang isipin. lumaki ka sa mundong hindi na ganito ang pag-iisip. i like to think that yun na yung love para sa kanila. (ehem. eto na ang tanong.) what is love, anyway, if not that which is defined by society?
(haha. sorry naman. socio geek talaga.)
“what is love, anyway, if not that which is defined by society?”
oo nga naman.
hayyy hunyo na naman, usapang kasal na naman
“I, for one, haven’t had the fill yet of my freedom. I like having my time and energy for myself. I want to go to places whenever I want to go, and I want to come back whenever I want to. I want to do as I please.”
oo nga naman. though some marriages allow for this kind of freedom, while some partnerships without marriage impose similar-sounding “rules”.
so maybe it’s commitment and not marriage per se that reins us in? just wondering.
some marriages are more open, pero i believe may limits pa rin ang galaw mo. syempre ikaw na lang mahiya na umuwi ng madaling araw di ba.
tsaka may responsibilities ka na sa house, lalo na kapag may anak kayo. everytime gumalaw ka, iisipin mo na yung partner mo, tapos yung mga anak mo, ganon.
kung commitment lang kasi (although marriage is a kind of commitment), pwede namang wala kayong anak, or pwedeng in a relationship ka lang. medyo maluwag pa yon.
I’d probably act the same if I were in your shoes. Except the washing dishes part. I’m a bit more lazy than the average teen ^^
I think people are focusing more on themselves nowadays than before. Dati kasi nauuna ung tradition, family, kaya siguro agad nag-aasawa.
I’m thankful though that I’m part of this new generation ^^
Thanks for the visit, btw ^^
nahh. you are 22 and too young. :p
laarni: exactly! thanks for the validation.
beena: i, too, am glad that i am part of this new generation.